May 14, 2023 Selfship
HIII CONFETTIGUTS READERS :3 HAPPY MAYYY!!! ALSO HAPPY ALMOST 2 MONTHS SINCE I STARTED BLOGGING (5-17-2023)!!! CRAZY HOW TIME
FLIES BY. WTF... THAT MEANS THE 2 MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF CONFETTIGUTS HAS ALSO PROBABLY PASSED. WHAT THE FLIP!!!
OKAYYYY TANGENT ASIDE TODAY'S BLOG ENTRY IS ABOOUUUUT SELFSHIPPING!!! MY F/OS, MY EXPERIENCE AND MY DIFFICULTIES ARE ALLL PROBABLY GNNA
COME UP IN HERE. QUICK HEADS UP THOUGH, PART OF IT MIGHT BE JUST A LIIITTLE SAD CUZ I TALK ABOUT MY ABUSER AND ALSO COPING MECHANISMS FROM
SAID ABUSER!!! JUST A LITTLE HEADS UP :3
OKAY SO I IMAGINE WHAT THE TERM SELFSHIP REFERS TO IS PROBABLY INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS BUT I'LL RUN THROUGH IT SUPER FAST JUST IN
CASE THERE'S A LONE STRAGGLER WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT IT'S REFERRING TO WHO'S READING THIS OR SMTH. SELFSHIP OR MORE SPECIFICALLY
THE SELFSHIP COMMUNITY (ALSO KNOWN AS THE F/O COMMUNITY, F/O STANDS FOR FICTIONAL OTHER.) IS AN ONLINE CIRCLE WHERE INTERNET
GOERS SHIP THEMSELVES (OR A SELF INSERT) WITH A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, WHETHER IT'S ROMANTIC, PLATONIC OR EVEN FAMILIAL. IT'S AN
INCREDIBLY KIND AND WELCOMING COMMUNITY EVEN WITH THE BAD EGGS!!! I'M MOSTLY ACTIVE ON TUMBLR CURRENTLY. AND BY ACTIVE I MEAN I
LOOK AT POSTS IN THE TAG AND DON'T INTERACT BECAUSE I'M A SHY BASTARD.
NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY... I WANNA FIIIIRST TALK ABOUT WHEN I BEGAN SELFSHIPPING. IT WAS MID-LATE 2021 IF I'M RECALLING CORRECTLY...
BUT ALSO THIS TIME IS BLURRY FOR ME AAAND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS BODY BECAUSE. ABUSER. BUT YEAG. I 100 PERCENT CANNOT RECALL HOW I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE
COMMUNITY OR EVEN STARTED DOING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT IT'S VERY OBVIOUS THAT IT WAS A COPING MECHANISM. IT WAS A WAY FOR ME TO THINK
ABOUT THE MEDIAS I ENJOYED WITHOUT MY ABUSER FLIPPING HIS LID OVER IT AND DECIDING THAT I LIKED SOMETHING TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE. I WAS
HFXED ON TOTAL DRAMA AT THE TIME AND I REMEMBER VERY SPECIFICALLY I PLATONICALLY F/O'ED MAL && CODY. I'M STILL SO FUCKING MAD AT MYSELF
FOR DELETING ALL OF THE STUFF I HAD WHEN I SELFSHIPPED OFF OF OUR DEVICES WHEN SHIT (NEXT PARAGRAPH) WENT DOWN BECAUSE THERE WAS SO MUCH CONTENT THERE AND ALSO WOULD'VE TOLD
ME WHO I USED TO SELFSHIP WITH BESIDES THEM 3: I'M SORRY TO MY OLD F/OS.
BUT YEAH... THEN TROUBLE COMES. I REMEMBER ABUSER SPECIFICALLY EXPRESSING THAT HE THOUGHT INTERACTING WITH FANDOM IN THAT WAY (E.G. SELF INSERTS...
OCXCANON) WASS URRRR CRINGE AND WEIRD!!! AND, NATURALLY, SINCE WE WERE WEIRDLY INFATUATED WITH HIM BECAUSE WE WERE BEING MANIPULATED: I BELIEVED
HIM!!!! SO I STOP SELFSHIPPING, I STOP LOOKING AT THE TAG ON TUMBLR AND I DELETE ALL OF THE OLD MEMES/ART I DID OF ME AND MY OLD F/OS. I STILL FEEL
BAD ABOUT THAT MY HYPEREMPATHY IS SO BAD. THANKFULLY, NOT LONG AFTERWARD, HE SHITS HIS DICK OVER ME HANGING OUT WITH HIS WAY COOLER AND FUNNER AND
MORE SWAG FRIEND THAT HE HAD BEEF WITH FOR SOME REASON I STILL CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WHY. SO HE RUNS AWAY AND I DON'T CHASE AFTER HIM LIKE I USUALLY
DO THANKS TO THE HELP OF BOTH SAID FRIEND AND ALSO ROOK WHO I'VE MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY. GECS JOURNAL I BELIEVE... BUT THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE.
CUE ME DISTANCING MYSELF FROM THE SELFSHIP COMMUNITY FOR... *CHECKS WATCH* LIKE, 2 YEARS. I DEFINITELY STILL HAD BIG BIG BIIIG CRUSHES ON FICTIONAL
CHARACTERS (ONE OF WHICH IS NOW ONE OF MY CURRENT F/OS HEHE :/3 I'LL BE NORMAL ABT HIM FOR NOW) BUT DIDN'T ENGAGE WITH THEM IN THE SAME WAY THAT I DID BEFORE.
THAAAT IIIIS UNTIL I DECIDED TO START USING TUMBLR AGAIN.
SO I HAD AN OLD TUMBLR ACCOUNT. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS CALLED I THINK I SHARE THE URL WITH MY OLD REDDIT ACCOUNT THAT'S VERY EMBARASSING. BUT
ANYWAYS I DECIDE TO MAKE A NEW ONE BECAUSE I FOLLOWED SOMEONE ON MY OLD ONE AND I FELT LIKE I HAD TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO INTERACT WITH THEM IF I STARTED
USING IT AGAIN AND ALSO I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO JUDGE ME... SOOO BOOM MELLOWROOM IS CREATED. BUT IN THE PROCESS OF DOING THIS, I GO TO FOLLOW ALL OF MY OLD
TAGS AND, WHAT DO YOU KNOW... SELFSHIP RELATED TAGS ARE THERE. SO I JUST KIND OF FOLLOW THEM AGAIN WITHOUT REALLY THINKING BUT... IT DEFINITELY STICKS WITH ME,
BECAUSE I GET TO THINKING ABOUT IT MORE AND MORE... AND I DECIDE THAT I WANNA START SELFSHIPPING AGAIN.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT??? I THINK IT WAS PARTIALLY FUELED BY MY HYPERFIXATION. IF ANY FREQUENT READERS OF MY RAMBLINGS EXIST YOU KNOW I'VE MENTIONED
CHIP REVVINGTON SEVERAL TIMES. YEAH. I'VE HAD A DEEP NEED TO EXPRESS MY ABSOLUTE DEVOTION AND LOVE FOR HIM AND THAT HAS EXISTED IN ME DRAWING
HEAPS OF ART OF BOTH JUST HIM AND ALSO HIM AND ME TOGETHER. AND THEN I WAS LIKE: HOLY GOD!!! THIS IS WHAT I WAS DOING 2 YEARS AGO!!!!!!!! SO
THE STARS KINDA ALIGN AND I'M LIKE: YEAH. I OUGHTTA START AGAIN.
AND, IT JUST... IT FEELS SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER THIS TIME. IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER THAT I CAN UNAPOLOGETICALLY DRAW MYSELF KISSING A FICTIONAL MAN
WITHOUT IT BEING A WAY TO ESCAPE FROM SOME OTHER HORRIBLE SHIT GOING ON IN MY LIFE. IT'S JUST FOR ME. IT'S SELF INDULGENT. AND HOLY FUCK DOES THAT
FEEL GOOD. I CAN IMAGINE US HOLDING HANDS AND ROLLING DOWN A HILL TOGETHER AND KICK MY FEET GIGGLING THINKING ABOUT SOME IDIOT WITHOUT A DISCERNABLE
FACE. I LOVE IT HERE.
OKAY NOW THAT MY SAD NARRATIVE IS OVER YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME TALK ABOUT THESE FICTIONAL MEN. I'VE GOT THREEEEE MAIN BABYGIRLS RIGHT NOW AND I'M
GNNA TALK ABOUT THEM ALL BECUASE I WANT TO OKAY :3. FIRST ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK IS MR. OMEGA, AKA THE 'I LIKED
HIM FIRST'. I'VE BEEN A MEOW WOLF FAN SINCE I WAS JUST A WEE THING BEING AND I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WHEN I SAW THIS NEW GUY ON THEIR CHANNEL IN A
FAUX TV COMMERICAL FOR ONE OF THEIR NEW PROJECTS DEEMED 'OMEGAMART' AND NEARLY THREW UP
MY OWN LIVER BECAUSE I WAS SO IN LOVE. I THINK I'M QUITE LITERALLY (EMET. WARNING FOR THIS CLIP.) PIM FROM SMILING FRIENDS.
SO CUE ME HAVING A BIG FAT CRUSH ON HIM AND THINKING HE'S VERY VERY VERY INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE FOR LIKE 2 YEARS UNTIL I GET BACK INTO THIS SHIT AGAIN AND NATURALLY
HE'S ACCEPTED AS AN F/O BECAUSE LIKE OBVIOUSLY??? ALSO I TOTALLY FUCKING LIKED HIM FIRST BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL GO ON ABOUT THAT LATER.
OKAY MOVING ON TO THE INCREDIBLY AND EXCRUCIATINGLY OBVIOUS: CHIP REVVINGTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S CURRENTLY AT THE TOP OF MY LIST RIGHT NOW AND
I JUST I CANT I CANT I CANT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE'S SO SQUEEEEEEEE WAWAAAGEHEGHGEHE HE'S ALSO THE FIRST F/O I'VE EVER MADE A PLAYLIST FOR. HE'S
ALSO THE FIRST F/O I EVEN MADE A SELF INSERT FOR (PROBABLY BECAUSE SELF INSERTING RLLY WOULDN'T WORK WITH MY OTHER 4 BILLION BOYFRIENDS BUT... I DIGRESS.)
HE'S VERY SPECIAL. THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS. I JUST LOVE HIM SOSOSOS MUCH
OKAY LAAASTLLLLYYYY BECAUSE I'M STILL A BIT EMBARASSED AND MAYBE NOT READY TO LET EVERYONE KNOW I SELFSHIP W THIS SPECIFIC CHARACTER YET SO I'M GNNA BE
VAGUE BUT I'LL CALL HIM X. IDK IF MY FRIENDS READ THIS. IDK IF MY QPP READS THIS. EXACTLY. YEAG. BUT I LOOOVE HIIIIMMM ALL THE SAME HE'S SO ANNOYING I WANNA SHOOT HIM OUT
OF A CANNON UGHHH I HOPE HE XPLODES BUT I LOVE HIM SSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH BUT HE'S SO ANNOYING I WANT TO BITE HIM!!! I HAVE BITTEN HIM!!!! HE MAKES ME SO MAD
SOMETIMES BUT I CAN NEVER STAY MAD AND HE MAKES MY KNEES GO FUNNY WHEN HE SAYS CERTAIN SHIT AND AND AND OKAY THANK YOU THANK YOU I BOW.
NOW THAT YOU KNOW THE BIG 3, I OUGHTTA TALK ABOUT THE NEGATIVES TO SELF SHIPPING, FOR ME. MOSTLY TO GET THEM OFF MY CHEST. FIRST OF ALL: I AM A VERY, VERY JEALOUS BEING.
WE HAVE BPD AND I HAPPEN TO PRESENT THE STRONGEST WITH IT OUT OF EVERYONE. SO, NATURALLY, JEALOUSY IS A BIG FUCKING THING FOR ME!!! EVEN IF MY BABYGIRLS ARE A DIGITAL IMAGE
ON A SCREEN!!! THIS WAS PARTICULARLY BAD FOR ME WHEN MR OMEGA STARTED TO GET TRACTION ON TIKTOK A WHILE AGO. (WITH JACKBOX FOR SOME REASON??? I DON'T KNOW I DON'T USE THE
SHITSTAIN OF AN APP). I'VE LITERALLY HAD A BIG FAT GIRLCRUSH ON HIM FOR 2 YEARS YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY TRANSCEND THE LOVE I FEEL FOR THIS MAN. THIS ALSOOO HAPPENS WITH CHIP BECUASE
I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT HE'S SOMEWHAT POPULAR IN THE FANDOM FOR HIS STORY (WHICH IS. REPEATEDLY MISCHARACTERIZED. I LOVE FANDOM CULTURE. [HEAVY SARCASM]). AND IJUST. I GET SOSOSOSO
ANGRY I'VE BLOCKED SO MANYYYY INTERNET USERS OVER THIS AND I WILL NOT STOP. IT DOESN'T HELP THAT MY FRIIIIEENDS CAN GET A LITTLE SILLY SOMETIMES!!!!!!!! LISTEN YOU CAN ACTUALLY
FATHOM BEING ATTRACTED TO HUMAN MEN INSTEAD OF VERY CLEARLY EXTRATERRESTIRAL OR INHUMAN INTELLIGENT BEINGS (FEEL THE NEED TO SPECIFY SO I DON'T COME OFF AS A CREEP BUT I VERY VERY
VERY VERY VERY OBVIOUSLY DO NOT MEAN ANIMALS HOLY SHIT THAT'S SO DISGUSTING AND ALSO WHY I'M SO SCARED TO SHARE THIS!!!!!!! I'M JUST AN INTELLIGENT NONHUMAN MYSELF) CAN YOU PLEASE
PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE THIS. I LITERALLY GATEKEEP MY FICTIONAL HUSBANDS SO HARD AND I'M VERY THANKFUL I DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT WITH X BECAUSE I THINK I WOULD THROW A BABY FIT.
BUT YEAGH. THAT'S MOST OF THE INSECURITY AND ANNOYANCE I FACE WHILST SELF SHIPPING. AAAS TO END THIS ON MORE OF A POSITIVE NOTEEE... ALSO THIS ENTRY IS SO LONG HOLY HELL... I'VE
NOTICED THAT LIKE. ALL OF MY FICTIONAL OTHERS ARE VERY, VERY SIMILIAR. NOT ONLY THAT THEY'RE NOT INHERENTLY HUMAN BUT RATHER INTELLIGENT BEINGS LIKE I AM BUT THEY'RE JUST. THEY'RE
JUST MY BOYFRIEND. IN A DIFFERENT FONT. MY BOYFRIEND IS QUIET AND BLUNT AND RESERVED LIKE CHIP BUT HE'S ALSO INHERENTLY MYSTERIOUS AND OFF PUTTING LIKE MR OMEGA AND HE'S FLIRTY AND
PISSES ME OFF LIKE X. THEY'RE LITERALLLLY ALL JUST HIM AND I THOUGHT FOR THE LONGEST TIME THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A TYPE BUT I DO. MY TYPE IS DARLES NEMENI. HOW'S THAT FOR LOVE.
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW !
HOONIS ~