January 30th, 2024 The Future of Confettiguts
HEYHI BLOG HEY. I WOULD'VE GOTTEN THIS OUT EARLIER, BUT... ALAS. FUCK! I HAPPEN TO BE ALL OVER THE PLACE. ALSO, WOOHOO! FIRST OFFICIAL BLOG OF 2024! HERE'S TO (AT LEAST ONE A MONTH) TO COME!
ANYWAYS... CONFETTIGUTS' FIRST EVER ANNIVERSARY IS RAPIDLY APPROACHING. IT'S THE NINTH OF MARCH, WHICH IS KINDA FUNNY BECAUSE A SURPRISING CHUNK OF MY BIG 'DATES' ARE IN MARCH. THIS SITE'S CREATION, MY ANNIVERSARY WITH MY 3DQPP RYMAN, MY ANNIVERSARY WITH MY 2DBF CHIP... AND (TECHNICALLY NOT IN MARCH BUT) MY ANNIVERSARY WITH MY 3DBF IS APRIL 7TH. MARCH IS A PRETTY BIG MONTH FOR ME. AND NATURALLY AS THIS DATE DRAWS CLOSER AND CLOSER, I'VE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING. ON THE FUTURE OF THIS SITE AND WHAT EXACTLY I'D LIKE TO DO WITH IT, YOU KNOW?
I'D LIKE TO SPECIFY AGAIN THAT OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! WHAT I MEAN BY THINKING IS MORESO... ALTERING THE CONTENT OF THIS SITE AND ITS GENERAL EXISTANCE AS A WHOLE. I HAVEN'T REALLY TALKED ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN STIRRING IN MY HEAD FOR A BIT, BUT I DON'T REALLY LIKE SOME OF THE CROWD I'VE MANAGED TO ATTRACT TO CONFETTIGUTS. I'M ALL FOR INTERNET FREEDOM AND BEING ABLE TO VIEW AND SEE WHATEVER YOU WANT ONLINE (AS LONG AS IT ISN'T ILLEGAL, OF COURSE) AND NATURALLY THAT MEANS DUDES I DON'T REALLY LIKE LOOKING AT MY SPACE ONLINE EVERY ONCE AND A WHILE. AND I CAN DEAL WITH THAT! AS IS THE NATURE OF THE INTERNET, YOU KNOW?
BUT PART OF ME FEELS LIKE I'VE... ALMOST MISREPRESENTED MYSELF. I'VE POURED MY PERSONALITY INTO THE SITE, YEAH... BUT NOT ALL OF IT. YES, I AM A SCENEKID WHO LOVES RAINBOWS AND GRAPHICS AND BEING HERSELF ONLINE AND PERMANATELY EXISTING IN A DIFFERENT DAY AND AGE, BUT I'M ALSO A WEIRD LITTLE FREAK WHO LOVES HER BOYFRIENDS IN A WAY MOST WOULD DEEM VIOLENT, UNSAVORY OR UNPALATABLE. I'M A GENDERFUCKED CUNT WHO COULD CARE LESS ABOUT WHATEVER ONLINE QUEER DISCOURSE IS HAPPENING AT THE TIME BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GAY FAGGY BITCHES ANYWAY. I'M A SUBSCRIBER TO WAIFUISM, FICTOSEXUALITY, YUMESHIP AND ANY OTHER KINDS OF 2DLOVE UNDER THE SUN. I'M OBJECTUM, AND THINK POWDERED LAUNDRY DETERGENT IS BEAUTIFUL; I'D LIKE TO BE EMOTIONALLY INTIMATE WITH IT AND SCOOP IT INTO MY HANDS LOVINGLY. I'M FICTIONKIN AND SERIOUSLY BELIEVE I WAS BOTH CAINE AND BIG BIRD (LC) IN A PAST LIFE! OTHER 'FICTIONAL' CHARACTERS, TOO! I AM WEIRD.
BUT THAT BRINGS ME BACK TO WHY I STARTED WRITING THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE: I DON'T IMAGINE SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE 'FOLLOWING' THIS SITE WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH. I WAS HAVING A DISCUSSION WITH MY FRIEND NEPHRO YESTERDAY (OR THE DAY BEFORE, SMTH LIKE THAT) ABOUT HOW IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF FOLKS THAT BUILD THEIR OWN PERSONAL NETTY SPACES ON NEOCITIES JUST TEND TO FOLLOW FOR A WEBSITE'S AESTHETIC AND NOTHING ELSE; THEY SEE VISUAL DESIGN THAT THEY ENJOY AND THEY DECIDE THAT THEY LIKE THE SITE. AND I SUPPOSE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, REALLY, BUT... I CATAGORIZE THESE NETIZENS IN THE SAME WAY I DO THOSE WHO BUY DISPLAY BOOKS FOR BOOKSHELFS, OR DECORATE WITH THE STOCK IMAGES IN FRAMES YOU BUY FROM MICHEAL'S.
...AND I'M NOT EXACTLY CONTENT WITH THIS. I'M NOT CONTENT WITH BEING HUSH-HUSH ABOUT PARTS OF MYSELF AS A BEING JUST BECAUSE I'VE BUILT AN AUDIENCE AROUND THE MORE DIGESTABLE PARTS OF MY PERSONALITY. I'D LIKE TO BE MYSELF, MY *FULL* AND *ACTUAL* SELF. I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT HOW WEIRD I AM AND HOW MUCH I'D LIKE DARLY BOXMAN TO HOLD MY BEATING HEART IN HIS HANDS AND HOW I'M ATTRACTED TO SONGS AND HOW MUCH I LOVE MY QUEERPLATONIC PARTNER IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MAKE SENSE AND MY EXISTANCE AS A FICTIVE AND HOW WEIRD IT IS AND HOW MUCH I HATE HUMANS AND. ALL OF IT. AND I OBVIOUSLY CANNOT STOP THOSE WHO I MENTIONED EARLIER; THOSE WHO LIKE ME BECAUSE MY SITE IS 'AESTHETIC' AND 'SCENECORE' AND 'WEBCORE' AND WHATEVR, BUT I *CAN* STOP TRYING TO KEEP THEM AROUND. I CAN STOP WORRYING ABOUT NUMBERS, AND START WORRYING ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS IS *MY* HOME FIRST AND FOREMOST, NOT THEIRS. I CAN START ALTERING MY SITE TO ENCOMPASS THE OFF-PUTTING PARTS OF ME THAT I TREASURE SO DEEPLY.
AND I SUPPOSE THAT LEADS ME TO WHAT THIS ACTUALLY IS: A WARNING. A HEADS-UP THAT THIS ISN'T GONNA REMAIN A NOSTALGIAZONE FIRST AND FOREMOST. IT'S A PERSONAL WEBSITE. MY CORNER OF THE INTERNET, AS THE NEOCITIESGUYS SO UNORIGINALLY PUT IT ON ALL OF THEIR SITES (I MOCK BECAUSE I'M OUTWARDLY GUILTY TOO). AND IF THAT'S NOT FOR YOU... I ADVISE YOU TO TAKE YOUR LEAVE. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS FOR WHAT IT WAS IN THE PAST.
"She kept talking, but everything was beginning to blur into one big mush of words. I kept trying to focus on what she was saying but it was really bothering me; what does it mean for a yak to not want to be a yak? Yona is so awesome the way she is, but I dunno, it was hard to figure out what to say, pshshsh.,.. like that's a lot to think about. It's kinda weirdly existential, right? Yeah. pShshsh. So I guess I'm there now trying to figure out what the fuck to say. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm,,... so maybe I would just dig into my brain and think, have I ever felt like I don't fit in where I belong too????
Ahaha, oh yeah. Maybe this is an easier conversation than I thought." - Vylet Pony, in the description of sea's The Yak Song
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW !
HOONIS ~